Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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