Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
