but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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