I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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