just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize