I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
