Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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