Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
