as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
