seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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