Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
