who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
