I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
