Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
