Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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