I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
