just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
