He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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