Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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