My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
