Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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