so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I didn't notice because vodka
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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