An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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