you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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