I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
