I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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