I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
