the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
