haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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