I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
