I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I just went to clothing optional bar
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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