i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
