you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
