So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
