Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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