Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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