I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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