Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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