I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
