There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
