just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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