Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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