OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
