dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
