dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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