Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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