He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
