hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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