Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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