dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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