I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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