Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
