The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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