I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
