I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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