my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
