Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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