i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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