I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize