thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
