I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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