there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
