I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
