the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
