Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
