the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
