Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
