at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
