i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
