if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
