Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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