Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
