she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need a beard to bite.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
